1. Getting too intimate
When it comes to verbal seduction, less is more. You might think it’s what she wants
to hear, but letting the conversation turn too sappy the first time you
coax her back to your place gets awkward, fast. Don’t overdo the
compliments—a simple, “You’re really gorgeous/hot/amazeballs,” will do
it. Resist the urge to discuss
your future together even if you’ve already staked out matching cemetery
plots. Right now is the time to be the strong and silent type.
2. Clam Jamming
you’ve shut up long enough to get below her clothes, be mindful of your
fingers (i.e., don’t start cramming them in her like you’re trying to clear a clogged drain). The clitoris has 8,000 nerve
endings in an area smaller than a pea, which means that the lightest
touch is enough to bring it to attention. Poke too hard and it feels
more like an awkward jolt than a pleasurable sensation, like any contact
with a penis right after orgasm. Start with a gentle touch, and she’ll
push against you to signal for more aggression.
3. Refusing to kiss after oral
one’s eager to coat their throat in man gravy, but when a woman has
just performed a, erm, service for you, refusal of any forthcoming
affection can be insulting. So if you see a kiss headed your way, suck
it up. Contorting your face in disgust will only make a woman feel
cheap. If you can’t stomach the thought of a post-fellatio tongue dance,
kiss her neck, shoulders, face, etc. until such time has passed that
any offending you-goo has dissolved.
4. Failing to reciprocate
rule’s a little fast and loose. On the one hand, many women feel
self-conscious about a guy getting that close to their whispering eye
before they’ve really gotten to know them, so don’t be surprised if she
declines. On the other hand, neglecting to even attempt to return her
favor makes you look like a heel. So even if she shuts you down, she’ll
make a mental note that you’re at least willing to appear generous.
5. Forgoing protection
You might feel hesitant to kill the mood by pulling
out a condom, but skin diving not only puts you at risk for STDs (not
to mention fatherhood), but it also appears disrespectful. If you’re
fine being wreckless with yourself, that’s your business, but there’s a second party here, and a gentleman who wants to get laid puts the lady first.
6. Getting too kinky
Maybe six months down the line,
you’ll both discover that you’re into urolagnia and live freakishly
ever after, but right now isn’t the time to explore your deviant side.
Keep the slapping and hair-pulling at bay and withhold the graphic dirty
talk. And, it should go without saying, restrict the field of play to
the front door, huh?
7. Making strange noises/yelling
Be aware of the strange sounds you make and the offensive things you yell out en coitus. If necessary, seek therapy for them.
8. Acting like a porn star
If life was anything like a porno, every time you did laundry would end in a washer-top gangbang. But real
women don’t want to be treated like porn stars (at least not the first
time you’re with them), and mindless jack-hammering makes you less a
workhorse than a hump monkey.
9. Stressing about your performance
are a number of things that can go wrong the first time you’re in bed
with a new partner, and most consenting adults understand that. There’s a
lot to feel out about another person before reaching the right comfort
level and sexual rhythm. Any awkward post-sex vibes that you project
will make her uneasy as well, so you’re better off relaxing and basking
in the glow, bro.
10. Forgetting to allot cuddle time
whoa, whoa. So what if you need to take a piss or the sandman is
beating you over the head with his nap bag? Before you go bouncing out
of bed to use the bathroom or start snoring
like a chainsaw, allow a solid five to 10 minutes of cuddle/pillow talk
time. Ideally you want to wait for her to fall asleep first, but at
least make sure you spend enough conscious time with her afterward to
show that this wasn’t just another smash and grab.
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