Conversation between two mobile users. One female and the other, male.
BABE: R u gay?
BABE: Well I…
GUY: Well, wat?
BABE: D last tym I was at ur place, u rebuffed all my advances n its not d 1st time.
GUY: Oh dat…
BABE: Seriously r u gay? No guy has done dat 2me…
GUY: Oh, beliv me ur sexy! But its not u, it’s me. I’m….celibate.
According to Harris Interactive for the Durex condom company in 2012,
53% of Nigerians have sex at least once a week. It means that more than
half of the people you see walking on the street are going to have or
have had sex this week at least once. The statistics continue, stating
that men claim to have sex 66.5 times a year over women’s 57.2 times,
that means men have sex 16% more times than women.
Another study based on secondary data analysis by the 2003 Nigeria
Demographic and Health Survey male dataset claims that 71.2% of
middle-aged men in Nigeria are sexually active, excluding teenagers and
men below thirty. The study also stated that 30% of sexually active men
have multiple sex partners. Please remember that this was only in 2003.
Now, back to Durex. Their research goes on to say that Nigeria has
67% sexual satisfaction rate, the highest in the world. So, I guess I am
safe to say that if the statistics are anything to go by, a good number
of Nigerian men have sex a lot and enjoy having it.
Note: This is not a gender debate. I noticeably didn’t include the women’s statistics.
With all my scouring of the net, I still did not get a conclusive
report on the true statistics of men who have sex but they’re not my
topic of discussion. Today, I am concentrating on unmarried men who have
chosen not to have sex. Now, the big question is why on earth would a
man choose not to have sex? I believe my tone echoes some people’s
thoughts at this moment but I want us to pause for a second and consider
this issue critically.
It is generally believed and proven even by the dumbest person on
earth that men are visually stimulated. They see, they go for it! It’s
as simple as that. Another statistic that I’m still not agreeing with
but is out there states that the average man thinks of sex every fifty
(52) seconds when his mind is idle. To break it down, the average man’s
thinking faculty reboots almost every minute to narrow down on sex
unless something else occupies his mind.
Just the other day, a friend was trying to tell me something when
some half-dressed girl on TV caught his attention and he lost
concentration. This was our conversation.
FRIEND: Ha-ahn! (eyes glued to the TV)
ME: What is ha-ahn?
FRIEND: What is wrong with her? Why is she shamelessly shaking her breasts like that?
ME: Forget her. What were you about to tell me?
FRIEND: Er…I can’t remember. Why was she doing that?
That’s a typical man for you. You want to get his attention, visually
stimulate him. And that is why many music videos, movies, ads,
magazine, websites are into the sex-selling business these days. Even
though women are beginning to get the drift and are having their own
fill of lust of the eyes, it all began with men. Hate it or like it,
it’s just what happens today. But does that mean that men today cannot
hold themselves and keep sex out of the picture until they get married?
I’ll leave that question for you to answer. It is one of the toughest
debates out there. I have met many men and women who hold that
unmarried men today cannot do without sex. To them, a man who simply
says no to sex is obviously abnormal and the conclusion is that he
Then on the opposing end, you have those who believe men can
absolutely live without sex. Medical doctors and psychologists have
proven that it is very possible for men to remain celibate their entire
lives without contracting some fatal medical issue (like testicles
exploding) or some mental or psychological block. There may be issues
regarding self-confidence and social interaction, depending on the
environment that person lives in, but the implications are not
Today, we have men out there, albeit few, that have chosen not to
have sex. Most of them are doing so for religious reasons, vowing to
keep their bodies pure for God and for their future wives. These are men
that have chosen their faith first and attained a level that sex, as
important as it is in a relationship, is just one of those things they
can be put in the backseat with the hope of getting the best out of when
the right time comes. It is a conscious decision they did not just
drift into. Such men have trained themselves, both body and mind to
remain chaste. It is not for everyone. And to buttress this from the
Bible: We have King David who was a man after God’s heart, but was in no
way chaste as Apostle Paul.
Another group of men that maintain celibacy do so because sex means
profound intimacy to them, and if they cannot bond with a woman on an
emotional level, they see no reason why they should have sex with her.
They shy away from casual flings and one-night stands and abhor the idea
that they have to sleep with someone just because they are sexually
attractive to them or because the everyone is doing it. Different whys
and wherefores drive them into their decisions. For some, they have been
badly burned by an ex or exes in the past and are not ready to go down
that road again; for others, it comes with maturity and the need to
settle down with just one person; another case might be that a past
promiscuous life left a bad taste that propelled them into completely
rejecting sex; or it could just be strong moral values that have nothing
to do with religion.
The third group of men that choose celibacy as a lifestyle use health
as their reason. Okay, what about condoms? Is it not okay to use them?
The answer from these men is no! They like to go au natural, ‘skin to
skin’. They don’t believe in using condoms and would have sex with only
women they are 100% sure are clean. Abstinence to them is the most
effective method to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
The fourth group is men who have been sexually abused before. Like
women, men are also get abused; in fact, it happens more often than
anyone will know because men don’t like to talk about it. It is
difficult enough for a woman to share a rape experience, much less a
man. Most times it happens in childhood but there are a few cases of men
being abused by other men or women in their adult age. This experience
can be traumatic for any man even if he’s a mixed breed of Van Damme and
Iron Mike. The experience can ultimately stop a man from wanting to be
intimate with anyone.
For the fifth group of men, celibacy is an empowering move. It gives
them a remarkable amount of mind and emotional space that sexual
activity usually consumes. Men in this group are mostly very busy and
don’t have time for pleasures that would stand as distractions to their
businesses. Therefore, since they are hardly available, they decide not
to dwell on sex as a top priority. To them, it is a matter of time and
energy and sex at that point is not just worth the stress. Apart from
celibacy giving them time to concentrate on work and other important
issues on their table, it gives them full control over the opposite sex.
The power, for some of these men is not in their celibacy, per se, it
is in the control they have over the women around them. They would
rather remain in abstinence than lose all that.
Finally, to the last group of men who do not like to have sex. Notice my use of language here. They do not like sex.
They are not gay. They wake up every morning with a woody. They do not
have some debilitating disease. They are not mentally ill. They don’t
have weird sexual fetishes like sleeping with trees or dead bodies and
stuff. They are not besotted to some mermaid wife. Nobody cursed them.
They just hate sex! I am yet to find one person in this category but
surprisingly, there are. If you are, please and please, contact me. I
would love to write a story about you. On my part, I do believe that
there is no smoke without fire and something no one’s seeing propels men
in this category to bolt from sexual interaction. Whatever their
reasons are, I’m certain it’s understandable.
To conclude, celibate men will always tell you that they have the
highest number of women desiring them, trying to seduce them into
changing their minds. They will also tell you that the road to
abstention is rough and lonely. People often make fun of them and call
them names but the truth is they are highly envied by most. Celibacy is
not a bad thing and for those who have trained themselves till it
becomes their way of life, they totally enjoy it. One thing most people
find hard to accept these days is that life is not all about sex, and
with videos and ads and movies and websites shoving the idea in our
faces, the concept of celibacy may never catch on and may eventually
wear off. Yet, there always remains a faction of people who will always
uphold that way of life. Well, to them that live by it, kudos!
As for those who don’t, the message of playing safe never grows old.
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