How to Break Up Without Letting it Get Messy

How to Break Up Without Letting it Get Messy


Few weeks back, I wrote an article titled “It Is Time To End That Relationship” and
the last thing I said there was that I would talk about how to end a
relationship without making a mess of it. So, that is what I am talking
about today.

Breaking up is usually a hard thing to do, but it could seem easy if
you and your ex both agree you no longer want the relationship anymore,
but like many things in life, it is not so straightforward. Some people
may linger in relationships because they don’t want to hurt their
partner’s feelings, or because they hope things might improve
positively. Others may fear they’ll lose mutual friends and even fear
they might be labeled the ‘bad guy’ or ‘bad girl’. While some may find
it difficult to end things because they’ve invested their time,
emotions, and finances in the relationship and would find it difficult
to think about starting things all over again with someone new. But no
matter what we think about a relationship, once it has gone irreparably
bad, we must find a way of ending it.

So rather than going in circle about ending a bad relationship, or
wishing it away, or start behaving in a manner that will upset the your
partner to the point of them walking away, why not try these few ways of
ending things.


No matter what your partner has done, ‘grapevine telegraph’ is not
the place for them to hear that you’re no longer interested. It’s a
different ball game when you discuss some relationship problems you’re
having with your friends, and they give you some advices of their own.
But when you make the final decision of breaking up with your partner,
make sure it is your decision and make sure you tell him/her by
yourself. Do this out of respect for your partner and for the sake of
whatever you once shared.


I don’t think it is fair for you to call your partner to your place
for a break-up. Though some guys do this just to have that much talked
about ‘Break-Up sex’ but I tell you it is a bad idea, except if you are
not ready to really break things up. And remember we are talking about
breaking up without letting things get messy, so a neutral environment
where both of you would be comfortable to express your feelings while
probably walking and talking would be preferable.


Phone calls, e-mails, BBM pings, Whatsapp messages and other social
media chat apps are fine for small talk, but this is no small talk, it’s
a big issue – so do it in person. I know you might have met that new
person who you presently think is an upgrade version of your current
partner you are trying to break up with, and you might not want to have
anything to do with this ‘old’ person anymore because this new person
suddenly adds colour to your world. But, I am telling you to fight that
feeling and have the decency to say it to your partner’s face. Don’t
dial and dump. I have been dumped via a phone call before, she didn’t
even initiate the call; I did and then got dumped on my own call time.
And I tell you, it hurts, though I got better afterwards, and she later


I know that sometimes, people break up in a relationship, and they
later come back together to see if they can make the work with another
attempt. But when you make up your mind to have that ‘break-up’
conversation, don’t just cave in and take your partner back because they
beg, argue or cry – at least not on the spot. It will make you look
like you don’t know what you are doing. If you are not really sure you
want to break up, don’t have the conversation.


Don’t behave like a total jerk because you want to break up with
someone, except if it’s an abusive relationship and you need to get out
by any means in a bid to save your life. Outside that, you need to
handle break-ups with some level of maturity because you don’t know
where your path might cross again with that partner you treated like a
piece of shit. So, how do you ensure you display maturity while breaking
up with a lover? By trying not to do these things

  • Don’t cut your partner out of your life without an explanation.
  • Don’t get someone else to do it on your behalf.
  • Don’t use break-up as a threat to control your partner (They can live without you)
  • Don’t start behaving irrationally and appear disinterested while hoping they will get the message and end the relationship.
  • Don’t go ahead and post on your social media pages that you are no
    longer in a relationship with the hope that they’d find out and get the
  • Don’t start cheating on them to their face so that they’ll find out and break up with you.
  • Don’t tell stupid lies “It’s not you, it’s me” “A pastor told my
    Mum’s cousin that we can’t be together” and all sorts. Go straight to
    the point and tell them you want to break up. That is maturity. Stay

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