Good girls or bad girls, good guys or f*ck boys… every interested person gets married at some point. Afterall, this sensational Nigerian bride got married for the first time, aged 60!
So that pretty much settles it – so far you are interested in marrying, it’s going to happen at some point. That would have put paid to the unnecessarily hyped marriage expectations in a society like ours where it is obviously a big deal.
But, hey, it is apparently not enough that you’ll marry at some point. You have to do it on time.
Good girls deserve to marry as soon as they want?
It is an obvious sentiment to be gleaned off societal behaviours – many women desire to get married as soon as possible; to be called Mrs, to settle down, have lovely kids and do all the cute homely things people love to do.
And for the longest time, through its agents of socialization, society has taught that it is the good girls – the coy ones who stay at home every time and never club or engage in social activities – that will get married ahead of the ones who choose to enjoy their youth and live their best lives. If you have been sold on that belief, it is time to snap out of it. There’s no such thing as ‘good girls’ marrying before ‘bad girls.’
Daddy and mummy lied about marriage!
Your mum and dad must have tried to sell you that traditional idea that unless you were literally homely in that ludicrous sense of being within your gates all the time, no one would marry you.
Same thing with religious bodies and even primary and secondary schools from way back when you were young and literally had no inkling of what marriage really was.
They make you believe that if you like partying and basically doing stuff that translate to enjoying your youth, men will not be interested in you.
This type of teaching was also motivated by a fear in the minds of the prude, conservative Nigerian mum and dad that their female kids would over-exercise this youthful joie-de-vivre and become go overboard.
Let’s also not forget that premarital sex is a worse sin than murder to Nigerian parents. It’s worth noting, as a passing remark, that sons didn’t particularly get so much of these ‘homely’ restrictions.
Those teachings asserted the traditional beliefs the older generation strongly took to heart. That was the way they knew to go about upbringing. And boy, were they brutish enforcers of that system!
The new marriage order
Things are changing though, and it’s time everyone broke away from those old-school, delimiting doctrines.
Being a good person in that misguided context of staying at home every time, not clubbing, not making friends, not engaging in youthful activities and not putting yourself out there will more likely get you no one than it would land you the man you’ve always prayed to God for.
That ‘bad girl’ who goes out and lives her best life will get the good men at your expense and you’ll only cry foul at the universe for being unfair and get no response until you align yourself with modern dating principles.
No one will date you if they don’t even see you. It’s as simple as ABC.
You also need to put it out of your mind that being social and being homely are mutually exclusive because they are abso-frigging-lutely not!
You can have both. You can have all the traits your ideal man wants in a dream woman and still be reasonably outgoing, friendly, able to hold decent conversations and handle yourself in social situations.
Don’t get it twisted, no one is saying it’s absolutely impossible to get the love of your life without leaving your house. You can be fortunate enough to get the man of your dreams while wallowing in your anti-social ways.
However, your chances are greatly increased when more people see you. It’s like a banner hoisted high on a well-patrolled highway and a little poster bill glued to a wall on a lesser travelled road. I’ll leave you to guess the one that’ll get more eyes.
Wake up and smell the coffee… the ‘bad girls’ are outchea living their best lives and getting all the good men [and of course women too!]
It’s time to get out and live your best life, too, and when you meet Mr. Right [and Mrs Right] in the process, you’d know you’ve won in more ways than one.